Edison Brewing Company Unveils Plans for World’s Largest Craft Brewery on Former Intel Site, Fueled by Nuclear Power

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Hopocalypse Now: Edison Brewing Unveils Plans for World’s Largest Craft Brewery at Former Intel Site

By: B. Hopped | The Brew Gazette

GAHANNA, OH — In a turn of events that has left tech moguls weeping into their silicon wafers, Edison Brewing Company has officially confirmed its acquisition of the former Intel chip factory site. But instead of producing microchips, they’re going all-in on microbrews—on a scale never before seen on this planet.

“This will be the most ambitious fermentation project in human history,” declared Edison CEO Wil Schulze. “We’re talking a million barrels a year, our own barley and hop fields, and yes, a nuclear reactor. Because why not?”

A Brewery Unlike Any Other

The Edison Megabrew Complex aims to set new records—not just in brewing, but in sheer audacity. With features like a modular nuclear reactor, a beer-powered light rail, and an on-site amusement park, Edison Brewing is determined to make Ohio the uncontested beer capital of the world.

What’s on Tap at the Megabrew Complex?

• ☢️ Nuclear-Fueled FermentationWho needs coal or solar when you can power an entire brewery with a modular nuclear reactor? All excess heat will be used for brewing, pretzel toasting, and keeping the taproom at a perfect drinking temperature.

• 🌾 The Beer BeltSurrounding the facility will be thousands of acres of grains and hops, creating what Edison calls a “drinkable breadbasket” capable of sustaining both beer production and a small medieval kingdom.

• 🚄 The BrewLoop Transit SystemA dedicated train line will connect the site to major Ohio cities. Tickets can be purchased with bottle caps, and passengers receive a free pint upon boarding.

• 🚂 The Hoptimus Prime ExpressA nationwide beer rail network will distribute fresh Edison brews at high speeds—faster than you can say “double dry-hopped.” Talks are underway with NASA to send kegs to the International Space Station.

• 🎢 Beer-Themed Attractions

  • HopDrop Coaster: A free-fall ride that plunges guests into a foam pit (sanitized for your safety).

  • Lazy Beer River: Eight miles of golden lager, complete with floating kegs and dad-friendly relaxation stations.

  • Yeast Beast Arena: A 200-foot-tall interactive yeast cell that teaches visitors about brewing—and occasionally roars.

• 🍻 The Edison Experience™ (Coming 2027)Featuring an IPA tsunami simulator, a Stout Geyser, and a Bavarian-inspired Biergarten where robots serve pretzels the size of manhole covers.

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The Future of Beer is Now

“Forget Silicon Valley,” Schulze said. “This is Foam Valley.”

With groundbreaking set for later this year, Edison Brewing promises to revolutionize not just beer production, but Ohio’s entire identity. As Schulze put it, “We’re making the Buckeye State the Barley State.”

First cans are expected to roll out April 1, 2026—assuming the yeast behaves.

For media inquiries, sponsorship opportunities, or applications to become a nuclear-certified brewmaster, visit:🌐 www.drinkedison.com